If you want to learn a lot about yourself, enter into a romantic relationship. Your life will change. Perceptions of yourself will radically change — your notion of “self” will change. Everything will look very different from how you used to know it for relationships challenge parts of yourself you never really payed attention to. They become a mirror for some of your best and worst traits. They become a space for endless possibilities of personal change.
Today marked the end and yet another beginning of another chapter in my life. My significant other and I decided that our relationship was no longer serving us the way we wanted it to and it wasn’t the best thing for us at this moment in our lives. We felt it coming and honestly, I’m really proud of how we decided to handle everything.
If I can be even more honest, I’m thankful for having been engaged with a man like him. Coming out of a former long-term relationship left me unknowing of what the next romantic endeavor would look like for myself. However, he made the transition much better than I could’ve ever imagined. His patience and ambition for wanting our relationship to soar meant the world to me. I didn’t think I’d be able to commit myself again after my former partner, but he made me feel comfortable and even more courageous to open myself up once again to Love.
But, as we grow older we come to learn that there are many other things working beyond our own reality that cultivates a space for what’s truly meant for us. We knew things were moving in a different direction. Our timing, our locations, our baggage was tremendously impacting the way we connected with each other. The way we lived our separate lives also played a great role in it as well — him a working person; with a starkly different social life than I somewhere northern of the Bronx, and I, a very involved Graduate student in the southern heart of New York City. Our schedules never really seemed to match up.
Really, all in all, I think it was time and it was for the best. We tried our best to hold on, but it was that exact act of holding on that told us we needed to Let go now more than ever to preserve our good relations.
I’m sad, yes. Heartbroken? No. He didn’t break my heart. He only opened it a little more. That’s why I deeply appreciate him and our time together.
He’s right. What we both need is time and space for us to self-reflect. To figure out what would be best for us (separately) in our lives.
I can only agree. So many things have changed in the past couple months and are continuing to change at an immense rate. Having no time to really unpack life, I found myself lugging around so much literal and metaphorical baggage. I think this time to my Self, to be with myself, will be really good.
This will be a chapter for Me. No committed romantic involvements. No saying yes when I really want to say No. No saying no when I really want to say Yes. No doubting my abilities to be everything I’ve ever dreamed of becoming and absolutely, no missing out on any more opportunities to learn how to Love my Self even more. I need to return to exploring with my Self, getting lost in new spaces, and wandering off to where my heart feels most attracted.
Thank you, CCW. You’ve taught me so much at time where I thought I knew it all — about my capacity to Love agin, to challenge myself and thoughts, to understand a different kind of committed romantic engagement, and to just open my Self. I didn’t think it was possible at the time, but you helped me. I was heartbroken, hurt, rigid, stuck, etc..
I needed this more than I knew. I deem this as the perfect moment for Me to release and reimagine. To let go. To receive. To Love. To Explore.. me.
& of course, as we know. This isn’t a goodbye, but a see you later.
Sending immense Love, Peace, and Nurturing Vibes your way.
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” TNH